Archive for the ‘Adoption’ Category


Chapter 7 – Secrets

January 31st, 2007 by janet

Well, this is one of the most emotional chapters. It’s where adoption and its tangled web finally surface.

The chapter starts with my parents revealing the names of my natural parents to me on my 18th birthday. I am shocked by who my natural father is, because he’s well-known for one thing, and because I’ve always been fascinated by him, following him through the media, wanting to know all about him and the family. But he’s out of reach, and I have to stuff down my feelings yet again.

During my search and reunion with my natural mother, I discover a multitude of issues related to adoption that I’d never considered, and I’m exposed to a myriad of emotions and feelings. It was a reunion I’ll never forget, because it didn’t go the way I’d expected. It is the one and only reunion I would have with my natural mother.

The secrecy behind adoption crops up again and again, causing me so much hurt and pain.

After the painful meeting with my natural mother and a long period of struggling with my feelings, I decide to search for my natural father, because I’ll go crazy if I don’t fill in the whole picture.

You might need tissues to read this chapter.

permalink | trackback

Posted by janet Posted in Adoption, Book, Identity | No Comments »


Summary of Chapter 6 – Running out of Time

January 31st, 2007 by janet

When I look back on this chapter, I can see I was on the verge of the adoption identity crisis.

In my early twenties, I had moved out of home, found a great job and friends, and gone to university. But underneath it all, I was very very lonely. And I didn’t understand why.

Things were starting to go wrong, and the feeling that I was running out of time was very strong. With deteriorating eye sight and a grandmother very ill in hospital, I decided it was time to travel by myself before it was too late.

You can find out what happened in my book.

permalink | trackback

Posted by janet Posted in Adoption, Blindness, Book, Identity | No Comments »


The struggles in adolescence

December 27th, 2006 by janet

I’ve given Chapter Four of ‘Beyond the Red Door’ the title of Invisible Scars. In this chapter, I describe my struggles with that difficult time we all go through – adolescence.
Just being a teenager is hard enough to survive with the emphasis on fitting in, looking good, and knowing yourself. Add to that the extra pressures of having a disability, which immediately sets you apart from the rest, and being adopted and without a solid foundation to fall back on.
These were the issues I had to deal with as a teenager going through high school. In my transition to high school, I lost the strong and confident qualities I had as a child. It was as though they had been sucked away from me. I was left with low self-esteem, no confidence and no idea of who I really was. My adoption issues came to the fore without any prompting, making me feel different because I didn’t know anything about my past. And this was on top of feeling different because I was vision impaired.
At this time, too, the long term effects of the radiotherapy I had as a baby started to show themselves. This meant frightening vision changes, many treatments and surgery with an uncertain result.
How do kids ride the rough times in adolescence? The answer to this depends on a lot of things. Read how I survived the bullying and teasing and depression I suffered in my teenage years.
Looking back now, I can see how I built my resilience. With this knowledge, I hope to help teenagers today to build their own resilience and survive adolescence.

permalink | trackback

Posted by janet Posted in Adoption, Blindness, Identity, Long Term Effects of Radiotherapy, Retinoblastoma | No Comments »


The importance of knowing your medical history

December 4th, 2006 by janet

I came across a blog post by Jacki Donaldson which emphasises the need to firstly know your family medical history, and secondly, tell your doctor about it.
In particular, this blog post relates to cancer. It made me think of two things.
Firstly, I remembered a recent conversation with a friend who was born with retinoblastoma, the same eye cancer as me. He had two children, neither of whom developed the condition, and they were monitored very closely right from the time they were born. What happened later on was a shock to him. One of his grandchildren was born with the condition. The tumours were picked up when the child was only five months old. It was lucky they were looking out for it, but they didn’t really believe that retinoblastoma could jump a generation. On doing more tests on his children, it was discovered that his son, the father of the RB child, carried the gene. This story shows just how important it is to know your family’s medical history, right back as far as you can go.
The second thing it made me think about was my parents’ reactions when they found out I had RB. They wanted my natural parents to be told, just in case they had other children, for one thing. Well, it didn’t turn up amongst any of my half siblings, but now I know this doesn’t necessarily mean one parent wasn’t a carrier, and that someone else in my family could be. The likelihood is probably very small, but it can’t be ruled out. Adoption always makes these sorts of issues so much more tricky to deal with, and there’s not always an easy answer. And adoptees aren’t the only ones to have these sorts of issues; children born from sperm donation also have this difficulty.
It was easy for the doctors to declare to my parents at the time of my diagnosis that the chances of my natural parents having a child with the same condition were unlikely, because they thought I was the start of the chain. But in reality, this was a poor decision. At the time, though, the technology was not available to do DNA testing to determine if someone was a carrier. So there was no other option at the time.

permalink | trackback

Posted by janet Posted in Adoption, Eye Cancer, Genetics, Retinoblastoma | No Comments »


Telling a child he/she is adopted

November 29th, 2006 by janet

I read a great excerpt from a book in Nancy’s blog which examined the needs of adopted children.
It reminded me of the time when I started to ask about how I arrived in my family. It became my favourite bed time story, with Mum starting it off, and me finishing it. I loved the story, because I felt so special, that I had been chosen.
It was only many years later that I realised the need I had for reassurance, that I was ok, that even though I was given up, I was still lovable. The other thing I realised is that kids who aren’t adopted don’t keep asking the question of how they were born into the family. So in this respect, adopted children are different, and this needs to be recognised.
In chapter two of Beyond the Red Door you will find out more about how I fitted in with my family and the wider community during my childhood years.
I hope you enjoy the read.’

permalink | trackback

Posted by janet Posted in Adoption | No Comments »


An adopted child born with a rare eye cancer

November 28th, 2006 by janet

Imagine the array of emotions parents go through when their baby is diagnosed with cancer. Now add to that the fact that their child is adopted, and that this condition is genetic.
IN the first chapter of ‘Beyond the Red Door’, I focus on the time when my cancer was diagnosed. Of course I have no memory of what went on, but my parents certainly did. For them, it was a harrowing time, watching me undergo intensive radiotherapy, waiting to see if the tumours would shrink, wondering if I would live. Amongst all this, they wondered if my natural parents should be told. I was their child, after all – the child of my natural parents – and they had a right to know. My parents have always had a high regard for the parents who gave me life; they’ve never been scared of losing me.
In the rest of the chapter, I reveal my memories of the many trips to hospital to check on the tumours, to make sure they didn’t come back. And this went on for five years, years I have strong memories about.
But even when I am given the all clear, more is yet to come.
Stay tuned for chapter two.

permalink | trackback

Posted by janet Posted in Adoption, Eye Cancer, Eye loss, Retinoblastoma | No Comments »


« Previous Page